Out jokes

I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.

What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

Why are the towers working out? They have big thighs!

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?

Boston cream pie.

"Ryan, come out to play-ee-ay!!"

I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!

What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?

Nothing. Skeletons don’t have ears.

Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

Bully: How is your girlfriend?

Me: I don't have one!

Bully: I know!

Me: How are your parents?

*Walks out of orphanage*

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Kick the chair out from under them.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."