Out jokes

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.

Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?

The Twin Towers.

What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.

Why did the gym close?

It's because it just never worked out.

I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

These jokes are the bomb, I rate them 9 out of 11.

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.