OR jokes

Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?

So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.

  • 0
  • Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

    The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”

    So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."

    Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

    Friend 2: Pizza.

    Friend 3: Donuts.

    Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

    Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

    Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

    If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

    Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

    An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

    What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

    Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

    Student: My name is Buttitches.

    Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

    Student: Buttitches.

    Teacher: I’m calling the police.

    Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

    Student: Buttitches.

    Police: *shoots gun.*

    A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

    Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.

    Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

    The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

    The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

    I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

    God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

    Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?

    Liam: I like you both.

    Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?

    Liam: I will go to paris.

    Mother: That's means you like dad more.

    Liam: No, its because i like paris.

    Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?

    Liam: I will go to America.

    Mother: Why?

    Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

  • 9
  • My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

    And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

    I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

    I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

    Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

    Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

    Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

    Dad: "Exactly, son."