My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? – Because they change theirs more often.

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

“TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN”

(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :

…“Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the f... up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . “I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for being f...ed up, for instance”…

STUMP : TEENY DICK

BUMP : TINY TIT

GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP : A F...ED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE

LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA F...ED

UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP : AN ASS

DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP : SEE “HUMP”

. . . and last, but definitely not least –

JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER F...ER, AND GO TO HELL !!

… “Well that’s about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! …(splort!, plop!)… OOOOPS !! … sniff,sniff … Ewww !” (audience roars) “Fuhhhhk !.. I better go, 'cause I just went !! … Ha! ha! ha!”

…“Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!” …

(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, guns poppin’)

“OH LORDY !!.. HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN’ THE F... OUTTA HEEE!!”

(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi……….with the windows down) …Amen.

People often ask me what I would do for a klondike bar well I straight up put 5 hijackers on flight 175 before it departed from logan airport at 8:14a.m. on September 11 2001

why don’t a jedis make puns that often?

the usually have to force them (i hate myself for that)

What game did Knights play most often

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