Off jokes

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

What do emo kids and apples have in common?

They both hang off trees.

Yo mamma so dumb that she jumped off a building after drinking Red Bull.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.

How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?

Shut off his computer.

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?

She was standing way too close to the dancers.

Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?

She was standing way too close to the dancers.

You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.