Off jokes

"Now buzz off" - Explain Bear

What did the beat say to the rapper?

"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.

Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.

Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.

Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.

Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!

A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

B: Why?

A: Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Not Sally.

Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

B: I don't know, why?

A: Because Sally was driving the car.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

my grandfather cant a woman's taco anymore cause his balls fell off from getting to many tacos

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.