Off jokes

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.

Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.

Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.

Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.

Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

my grandfather cant a woman's taco anymore cause his balls fell off from getting to many tacos

A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

B: Why?

A: Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Not Sally.

Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

B: I don't know, why?

A: Because Sally was driving the car.

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

What do emo kids and apples have in common?

They both hang off trees.

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Yo mamma so dumb that she jumped off a building after drinking Red Bull.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?