Off jokes

I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?

Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not Susie!"

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?

Son: Why?

Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.

What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

How do you get a discount off groceries?

Scan the emo kid's wrists.

What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?

People jumped off a building to escape it.

Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?

Because they have no one to tell them off.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?

Screamed till her hands fell off.

What was the winning play at the leper football game?

A hand off up the middle.