What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
Off Jokes
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.
What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?
People jumped off a building to escape it.
Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?
Because they have no one to tell them off.
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she is a dumb b*tch!
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
Have they tried switching him off and on again?
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
