Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
Off Jokes
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?
Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
