Off jokes
The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.
Orphan: I love abcdefu!
Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
Memes
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."
Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.
Why is the sand always pissed off?
Because the sand never waves back!
A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?
It danced its a** off.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔
Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.
What did Africa say to the grass? Get off me!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.