Not jokes
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
I'm not racist, I have a colored TV.
What type of movies are orphans not allowed to watch?
PG movies.
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
Every 911 joke isn't that good.
Well, at least not until they come crashing down.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
It looks like your dad is not the only one missing.