Worst Jokes Ever
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous, aka cashews.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!