No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
Never Jokes
We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
Why do mountains never rest?
Because it’s ever-est.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
