Move Jokes

the god of dark humor

Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies. Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive. Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out. Wanna hear something that’s the worst? He comes back for seconds.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working Hit your wife harder

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies? I don’t put fruit in a blender.

What’s the darkest point in the universe? The inside of a KFC

what is the most difficult day in the ghetto fathers day

How do Asians name their kids? They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

What do you call a white man in court?? SUPERIOR!!!

A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks “did you get her number?”. He replies “no, but it’s okay, I’ll see her at the next family reunion”

What if Stephen Hawking was the real slim shady but couldn't stand up.

JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech

how do you surprise a blind guy? leave the plunger in the toilet

Covid 19 stopped mass shooting faster than the Government

Want to know why parents don’t get school shooting jokes? Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

a man asks a woman: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.

I lost at Kahoot so I had to ka-shoot When the school shooters finally leaves your class room but then the autistic kid next you sketchers light up

Don’t worry if you have a stroke You’ll be alright

What’s the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement? Baby Jesus died a virgin what is worst than a baby getting hanged in a tree that same baby getting hanged in multiple trees

So I texted my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: not again brother I’m only 8

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me

Roses are red Walls are made of plaster Schoolchildren can move fast But bullets can move faster

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo Cutting-edge Technology

I’m starting to wish my grass was emo. Why? So it would cut itself.

Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.

How do you win an argument against an emo? kick the chair.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job? showing them the ropes.

if an emo doesn’t get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won’t be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

What’s an emo’s favorite Pink Floyd album? The Final Cut.

Why do emos like yo-yo’s? cos they get strangled by the string

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut so I said, “I like ya cut g.” And I slapped him. I don’t know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

What’s the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

How do emo’s compliment each other? They say " I like your cuts g"

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park? He kept cutting in line

What do you call an emo kids suicide live stream? America’s funniest home videos

what game do emo kids love the most… hangman

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays pumped up kicks

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler but missed. Then Adolf replied, “Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!”

Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.

Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. “They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes.”

Kid starts shooting people in school, and the teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin. What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos.

They named road after george floyd it was a dead end though

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

What do you call a blind racist? A not see

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

Q. What’s long, hard, and scary when you first see it? A. Calculus homework.

Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow? A. Toothpaste.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle? Optimistic

I saw a man trying to rape a girl,i decided to help, she didn’t stand a chance against both of us

I called the rape advice line last night turns out its just for victims

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term struggle snuggle

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is? Having to wait your turn.

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath? Men toes.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? – Meals on

Anonymous
in Chair

you know what i said to the chair, sit but it didnt move hahaha

Anonymous
in Dark Humor

how to blind kids get punished? By moving the furniture around the house

SillySod
in Putin

Q. How do you know when Putin is lying ? A. His lips move

COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on. You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it. Bitch!

Anonymous
in Music

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

Iloveballsrn
in Orphan

Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.

Anonymous

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect it's balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

This all seems to make sense to the man but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

Technorphan
in Orphan

A person told an orphan to not move otherwise they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do? It danced it's a$$ off

Gacha_Girl

Why Did the stairs move - Because it was up to somthing

Death

🎶Rock a bye baby on the tree Top, when the wind blows the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, not moving a muscle not making a sound.🎶

Mike Ox Long
in Little Johnny

one time little johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree and he moved the stoll and the tree broke. little johnny screamed. " HAHA Your skinny enough to break the tree"

Jordan

An Orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday, i said "Don't you have a family?"

Anus McDickNuggets
in Man

Whoever said men will fuck anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

Anonymous

people say towers can't move, apparently, nobody told that to the trade centers.

Onlytwentyoneletters
in Jesus

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, It has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, It has moved twice so he sinned twice." "The man asks, Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

helo
in Orphan

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!” He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?” “No, this is the rink manager!”

Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna…-" Vortex: "You'll do what?" Blitz: "Or I'll… uh… uh, I- I'll call HR!" *Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness* Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

in Dirtiness

DH: What did Vegeta say to Bulma? A: What? DH: Can I show u my new move it's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK. :)

-Dark_Humor