A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
it says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
Ali-A
why did the skeleton did not cross the road
beaucuse it did not have the gusts
Boy: mom why are drinking this disgusting red soup, I wanted salad Mom: quite son we only get this once a month
my friend died from an allergic reaction.he gave me an EpiPen while he was dying so now i have something to remember him from.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Teacher; why did the skeleton know the weather outside(shrugs shoulders) student; cuz he could feel it in his bones(lenny face) teacher:no he read the weather report you fucking idiot
Loser
Why does shit come out your asshole? Cause fuck you that's why
Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face
What do you say to a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
“Don’t be dumb,make sure she’s numb” - bill cosby
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester
ok so basically im monky.
My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
