Morbid Jokes

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

What did the south tower say to the north tower? It said: nothing.

9/11 joke.

Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

This joke is short... like your dick!

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"