Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Woman

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

Woman

What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!

Goldfish

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

Gun shop

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

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  • Mom

    Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.

    Word

    Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

    A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

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  • Chloroform

    So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

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  • Morbid jokes

    A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

    The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

    The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

    Nursery Rhyme

    Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.

    Autopsy

    A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"