did you ear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? well, he's dead.
when i saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, i told him to censor that a-hole. when i saw the completed product, he censored me. then i killed him.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told me friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him too. Confused my friend asked me what it was. I told him "The Sandyhook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
I like my girlfriends like my children dead
Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said "Well, we we're trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard".
When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller? The Joystick
the moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen......to clean the rest of the house
Never buy a epileptic kid light up sketchers
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
"I created the Human Torch"
I was at my boyfriends house and I thought he was cheating on me and he was on the phone with somebody he said he'd be over there soon. so i asked him if I could see his phone he said no and then we fought about until I seen his gun and because I thought he was lying to me I shot him,went through his phone and his friend was still on the phone.
My father said I'm to reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support
I congratulated my friend and losing all that baby weight she started crying told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted Roblox. One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury. One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignore it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened. The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!" Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too.
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit
