Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Hammer

Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

Family

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

Man

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

Car dealership

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

  • 1
  • Rose

    Roses are red.

    Grass is green.

    I think of you sucking my peen.

  • 1
  • Slavery

    At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

    Gay

    what do you call a lazy gay?

    someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

  • 1
  • Guy

    So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

  • 1
  • Difference

    What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

  • 8
  • Sand

    What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.

  • 1
  • Word

    My girlfriend's last words:

    "I can’t wait to become a mom!"

  • 0
  • Priest

    What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

    A Catholic priest.

    Dinosaur

    What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

    The dinosaur once existed.