Mom's

Mom's jokes

Horse

    • Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

    Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

    Little Johnny: What are you doing?

    Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

    Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

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    • Train

    • Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

    After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

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    • Girl

    • A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

    The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

    Bro

    • (Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!

    (My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*

    (Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*

    At this moment, he knew he fucked up.

    Fault

    • "-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."

    -Mully- This is my mom left!!

    Bear

    • Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

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    • Advice

    • My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."

    The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"

    My mom said, "I took your advice."

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    • Cousin

    • My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

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