An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
Gun control...
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
What is black and white red all over?
A newspaper
priyanka
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiots house.
Knock Knock Who's there The chicken
what do you call a dick playing badminton? a shuttlecock.
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
Stroke victims are my heroes. My favorite is LOUIS CK.
Three Jewish people walk into a bar.
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
How do curcensize a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
