Mental Health

Mental Health Jokes

Kid

What jumps higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

Depression

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Friend

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Suicide

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Friend

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

Orphan

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

Ninja

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.

People

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

Voice

Are you the voices I've been hearing?

Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)

Suicide hotline

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Self Harm

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

Makeup

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?