What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
My wife called me ugly and then when she fount out how much money i actually make she called me ugly and broke
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world." On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
what does a necrophiliac get at a wedding? mourning wood
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Lady: I am going to come to your house.
Man: ok. An hour later, the lady is at the mans house. The man meets her outside of the house.
Man: you are going to cum to my house!
And then he fucks her.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said "they're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said "they're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said "they're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
Woman- What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich
Husband- I know! How about you COMEBACK with a godda*n sandwich?
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password
zozo laughed at his wife for her husband being a hobo
Living in Houston Texas and realizing that hurricanes are a annual threat my ex wife call me and ask what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer take the 610 loop dear
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sisters, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughter. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich
Man and woman are having a discussion. Woman looks into man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . ".
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in".
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Why did Ms Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor Talk about a failed marriage
