Living Will Jokes

What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?

A sea minor.

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.

Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.

Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.

My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

If you guys are smart, you will get this.

The image shows a picture of Bad Luck Brian. The text above his head reads "GOES TO THE DOCTOR. READS THIS EYE CHART." Below, there's a visual of an eye chart, but instead of letters, it reads "P AY NOW ASYO UAREN OTGOIN GTOLIVE".

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.

We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

DARK ALERT********

A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.

DARK ALERT********

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.