What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks? - one is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.
if you give a man a plane ticket he will fly for a couple of hours but if youu push a man out of a plane he will fly for the rest of his live :)
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too
People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation.....
Guys it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years
Why don’t orphans live in villages?
Because they will get abandoned
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with thw royal family...
Rolls Royce
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
A Piece of Sodium That Lived in a Test Tube Fell in Love With a Bunsen Burner "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!" The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
I did a good walk and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and people live in the house with my dog I had to a dog and
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zomBEE.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist
3 Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand. The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him. The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied,"It didn't tickle at all. I laughted at the sight the third guy was bringing over a pinapple."
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest. On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesnt experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place." So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his Re-seeding Heirline.
bro living is so expensive and im not even having fun doing it or getting my moneys worth
A man marries a blonde chick, live a happy life together and the man asks his wife if she wants kids she says "yes". So, a couple years go by, they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question"
DARK ALERT******** a girl went 2 the doctor the doctor said she had 1yr to live she shot the doctor and the judge gave her 15 yrs. DARK ALERT********
This year I'm going to name my Christmas Tree , Amy Winehouse , because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room
Cooper is the best to ever live
Jesus lives on a long time line, so he may seem slow to you.
Guy asked me what I do for a living. Now I'm not old enough to get a job so I said nothing. He asked me again so I said, "Your wife" The guy goes to slap me but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
