Law Enforcement Jokes

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Police seek clues to explain Walmart.

The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What's the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

What happened when 800 hares got loose in the center of town?

The cops had to comb through the area.

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Why did the teacher get arrested?

He gave the orphan homework!

What do you call a dwarf police officer?

A guinea pig.

What is a bullet and a police officer have in common... when a bullet kills someone it gets fired

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

Me: 911, I just killed someone.

Cops: Cool, we will not come.

Me: Why?

Cops: Don't admit a crime.

Phones: *Bang Bang*

Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a pdf file!!

What is a Mexican's only obstacle?

Border patrol.

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.