A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
Law Enforcement Jokes
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?
Freeze.
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?
"I guess orange is the new black."
