Law Enforcement

Law Enforcement jokes

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!