Hey Siri, where is my dad? Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen! Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. ...WhAT-
Why does jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts 🥜🍇😋
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods
voice in back: Well it looks like we're going huntin'
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
What can’t a person with no arms do: if your happy and you know it clap your hands
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: yes
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan ?
They both can't see their parents.
someone: stop making jokes about sh!
me; OH sorry man, ill cut it out, ill cut it out deep
Friend: UR LIT BRO!!
Me: Thats what my sleeve said to my arm
Me:you have terrible jokes Mum:shows me a mirror
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Dont worry, it will all be over soon mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around".
You: “Knock knock” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house”
*Apple bottom jeans plays”
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Why don't parylized people kaugh they hate stand up comedy
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called 'serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude come on you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Teenager: OMG, I’m prego, my moms gonna kill me Baby: Lmao, same
