Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late". Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON !!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need Bianaca?
Bianca: Its Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter. Apparently when the helicopter caught fire Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it”
My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.
my grandpa's last words were before died in vietnam was what fuck did i step on..........
Why is the last part of orphanage age ? Because it doesn't matter your age
Their are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
[ when a cop meets a pothead on April 20th ]
Officer : Hi, how high are you?
Pothead : No officer, it's how are you
Officer : oh im sorry ive been high since last night
Pothead : cool, i'd like to give you sum weed, happy 420 sir
Officer : omg thx man appreciate that
Ok, i found this off of an internet meme, this isnt original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: ok kid, i dont have much time, but obama's last name is- *gunshot*
Last night I had the strangest dream !
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean ?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
I called the rape advice line last night turns out its just for victims
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk tp the nearest gas station a few miles back. One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Last week was my BLIND friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need. As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grader for a birthday present he sets it next to him. As weeks past he comes up to me. He said " That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I has ever read"
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the latter?"
Parent:Have you seen your sister? Son:No, the last time i seen her when we playing hide n seek.
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder
I fuck your mum last night that she was salty
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
