Know jokes

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

I’m friends with 25 letters. I don’t know y!

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

Want to know why some astronomers are gay?

It’s because they want to be in Uranus.

Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?

The Parkland kids.

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

There was none, it was all white!

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?

Nose-less.

Yo mama's so short, when it rains, she's the last to know!