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What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

You know why they call her Wonder Woman?

She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?

Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.

It's not funny, I know.

You: What do you call a door knob without the lock?

Me: I don't know.

You: Are you sure?

Me: I don't know.

You: Okay.

What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?

1. It stands for inflation.

2. It limits production.

3. It encourages cooperation.

4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well...

ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!