Newest Kill Jokes - Page 9 - Worst Jokes Ever

Hey kids guess who started a micronation It’s Barney and Trump.They don’t let gays in. But they kill them

When hitler killed himself he shot himself twice, the first one was operation Barbarossa and the second one was his death

*America shoots down balloon* China* You killed a innocent man!! USA* what?! China* yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler.

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII. My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler. Me: *Relizes*

Guy goes into the gas station says I need a box of rubbers with pesticide. The cashier said pesticide don't you mean spermicide? The guy says no! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week and I am going to kill it.

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.

Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

What is the difference between Obama and Osama? Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

Like if you can relate and comment if you think this is funny

7 y/o me in my dad's car: Dad,
I wanna turn on the light. Can
I press this button?
My dad:
No!! That's the button that will kill everyone

bin ladens relatives were killed in a plane crash lol

when you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you

hitler is a national hero he killed hitler... oh wait

Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait

😢😢😢

WE KILLED OUR ALLIANCE MEMBER
WITH A SAW BRO
Freedmart
PERV

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan Mosque." Damn thats a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

should i kill the main characters best friends in my book it an autobiography

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little
bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids
on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire
US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another
target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of
which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that
shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we
speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across
the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better
prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the
pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead,
kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over
seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I
have access to the entire arsenal of the United States
Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If
only you could have known what unholy retribution your
little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you,
maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you
goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown
in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather. Chloe says "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic" John says "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler"