Kids jokes

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They can't see their parents.

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.

What's that? said the orphans.

Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.

What's the IJK?

I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?

The rope.

What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?

Life Savers.

What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?

Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

Dude, ABC, what comes next?

Kid: A big fat noob.