Kids jokes
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.
I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
How are rape and an airplane similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!
When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!
Later!
I saw a kid crying and I asked him, "Where are his parents?"
God, I love working at orphanages!
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.