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Kids jokes

When you're watching a 9/11 documentary, that one kid in your class finds the 97th Jenga block and knocks it down.

A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"

The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

The man said, "Your parents."

What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!