Jesus

Jesus Jokes

Restaurant

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

Nun

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

M M

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

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  • Acne

    What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

    Guy

    Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

    Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

    Thought

    What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

    "Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

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  • Peter

    Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

    Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.