Newest Jesus Jokes - Page 8 - Worst Jokes Ever

Woman gets pulled over by a cop Cop: ma'am have you been drink Lady: no officer Cop: what's that in your cup then ma'am Lady: just water officer Cop: looks like wine to me Lady: oh my god Jesus did it again

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected smash character.

knock knock who's there lemon haha hahahah hahahahaah

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question. Johnny:What? Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty? Johnny: Yes ofc jesus mad everbody wonderfully! Ex: Awhh! Johnny: But who ever made you was painting tomas the train while making your face.

Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?

For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.

have you seen my uncle. Jesus:i have God:me too

What is God’s favorite candy?

Jesus Pieces

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails Oh wait I wasn’t even Jesus he’s not doing the T post that he invented

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you.. From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz "

so the man asks me, "Jesus how do you want your steak "

so I said, "well done, my good faithful servant, well done.

Jesus was being hug up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out ''Peter, peter come to me!'' So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when i reach the top the Romans cut of my arms and chuck me back down the hill. ''Peter, peter come to me!'' cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill then the Romans cut my legs of and threw me back down. For the third time Jesus cries ''Peter peter come to me!''. So i wriggle up the hill and I guess the romans pitied me and let me through. ''Look peter, I can see my house from here!''

Bick: Jesus isn't real. Ron: Yes he is. Bick: Prove it, bitch. Ron: Cussing is a in. Open the curtains. Bick: Wh- Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT.

The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.

Ron: Fuck you, Jesus. Bick: Told you Jesus was real. Satan: Get to work, slaves.

Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.

Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey? A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.