Jealous jokes
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
I got jealous when my phone dies.
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.