IT jokes

Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.

Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.

Boy: ...

Boy: Get the hell out!

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!

Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.

If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.

What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?

An art attack!

A dwarf walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.

I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

What is a type of cancer that:

Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?

Easy, the answer is Fortnite.

How did the blind girl get a date?

She said it was love at first sight.

How do you eat a meat?

You steak it in your mouth.

Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?

It doesn't know jack.

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!

A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.