IT jokes
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.