IT jokes
It is now legal to bully an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?
I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.