IT jokes
What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
My name says it all.
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
911 jokes usually go over my head.
Then it hits me.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
What did Jake say to Peggy?
"CALC-U-LATOR!" Get it? Like, "Catch you later!"
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.