IT jokes
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Just do it.