INS jokes

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?

Meals on wheels.

So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!

The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."

The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...

Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.

What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?

The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.

Where does bad light end up at?

In prism.

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.

What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!

Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?

They're both yellow and can't drive.

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.