INS jokes
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Did you know the Titanic sank in water?
Titanic 1, Africa 0.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.