Infant jokes
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday? Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.