I like my jokes

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

I like my clocks like I like people.

Under 12.

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

I like my girls like my file systems...

FAT and 16.

I like my humans like I like my chicken... Fully cooked.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

I like my coffee like my men, long and black.

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

These are all of my terrible jokes.

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.