How does a train eat?
Chew chew!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving.
IDK
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car? Open a pizza shop 🍕
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any! Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
Bully: How’s ur gf? Kid: I don’t have one how’s your parents? Bully: *crys* Kid: *Walks out orphanage
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
how do you know when you're disliked? when they always give you the camera for group photos
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career. In the trailer Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parent's throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes,
Yea man! Life is wonderful! But, when u realise all of the ones u loved we're fake. And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice. Is 13 age too young for dying? Am i just paranoid? I'm scared.
How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the consitution in freedom of expression
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop - Right. So you weight yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool. - Oh..that might actually be even easier
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Teacher says okay class today were gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up Little Johnny how about you go first. Little jonny: " I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :( How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:( How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
How does a donkey open a door
With a don(key)
