Hows jokes
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.