Howe jokes

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?

Me: Where's your parents?

Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?

Me: Because it has a home button.

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

How did the guy greet his wife?

"Howdy, sister!"

How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.

This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!

Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

How do you saw an apple with no mouth?

A P P L E

How did Steven Hawking die?

He lost internet connection.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He had a power cut.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

How can a man make the world safer?

By having the chop.

How do rappers stay cool during summer?

They throw SHADE.

How do rappers keep their breath fresh?

With some FRESH BEATS.

How do you call a very long terrorist?

9/11.

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

How cool is NASA?

Not cool at all.