How To jokes

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

How do you finger a feminist? Shake her hand and call her Theresa.

How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?

The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.