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Home jokes

Orphan

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they won't know where home plate is.

Shit

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Milk

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

Snail

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Dad

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

Orphan

The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.

Umpire

The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”

Soap

If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?

Weapon

Why can't weapons play baseball?

Because they need to get to home base.

Orphan

Why do orphans hate plane rides?

Because there’s no home to come back to.

Mom

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Orphan

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!