Home jokes
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.
What do you call an Indian that came home late?
A curfew muncher.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they don't have a home screen.
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"
Apple created the iPhone X for orphans because they don't have a home.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
I did have a good night, and I did a good night, and I had to walk around the house.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?
Because it didn’t have one.
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.