Home jokes
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"
They didn't reply.
I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
Why can’t orphans play sports?
Because they don’t have a home team.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
I did a walk today, but I had a walk home from a walk. Walk today, but it when.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.